Primaryparentingonpurpose's Weblog

Single Parent – New Blog Site

primaryparentingonpurpose — Tue, 19 May 2009 10:32:59 +0000

Hey Y’all,

I’m moving where I post my blogs. I would love it if you’d come join me.

Don’t miss out go to:
A Single Parent Purpose

And when you get there, sign up for my e-mail list.

Can’t wait to see you there!

Laura C. Ries

99 Reasons to Say the Serenity Prayer

primaryparentingonpurpose — Mon, 04 May 2009 01:13:01 +0000

The serenity prayer goes something like this:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.

Here, in no particular order is 99 reasons I say the serenity prayer.

1. A sunny day
2. A rainy day
3. Getting to work on time
4. Being stuck in traffic
5. Waking up late
6. Tossing and turning all night
7. A good night’s sleep
8. The flu going around
9. Spring flowers
10. A friend getting married
11. A brand new baby
12. A hear condition
13. Kidney failure
14. Sudden death
15. C-section
16. Hours of labor
17. Dementia
18. Distinguished leader award
19. High school graduation
20. Grandbabies
21. Browsing the library
22. Divorce
23. Cheating
24. A job well done
25. Differing values
26. Smiles
27. Twinkling eyes
28. A good laugh
29. Brilliant sunsets
30. Fall colors
31. Grandma’s quilt
32. 22 year old suicide
33. Social injustice
34. Child support arrears
35. Scoliosis
36. Chronic ear infections
37. BS degree
38. MBA
39. Sharing good news
40. Sharing bad news
41. Good friends
42. Not so good friends
43. Betrayal
44. Trust
45. Places that look like picture postcards
46. The house looking like a tornado hit it
47. House full of kids, love and laughter
48. Empty nest
49. Retirement
50. Fluffy pillows
51. Clean clothes
52. Forgiving someone
53. Taking a stand
54. Taking a nap
55. Having money
56. Taking a risk
57. Winning a game
58. Losing a game
59. Starting over
60. Starting over, again
61. Letting go
62. Holding on
63. Solving a puzzle
64. Holding hands
65. Anticipation
66. Friends moving
67. Meeting new people
68. Spending time in a sacred place
69. After effects of a storm
70. New building
71. Making ice cream
72. Old, forgotten memories
73. Snow ball fights
74. Incontinence
75. Pillow fights
76. Fire works
77. Car wrecks
78. College shootings
79. Genocide
80. Playing in the rain
81. First dates
82. First day of school
83. Graduation
84. New beginnings
85. Birthday cake
86. Favorite meal
87. Purring cat
88. HPV
89. Broken heart
90. Watching your child sleep
91. Watching your child play
92. Hospitals
93. Job interviews
94. On the job training
95. Mended heart
96. New day
97. Virgin snow
98. Kids growing up so fast
99. HOPE

Some days I fight against the things I cannot change. I cannot change that dementia is slowing taking away my grandfather. And I hate that. And I struggle. Then I look for the blessing, and I keep looking until I find it. Otherwise, I’d lose sight of the good things in life. Grandpa is here, he is sharing stories of his life we never knew. This is reminding me to share with my children stories they have never heard about me as well. My children are going with me to visit Grandpa, and that is a blessing.

What are some things in your life you can change? What are some things you cannot? Can you find a place where letting what be is OK?

Laura C. Ries
Single Parent Purpose

Hear more answers to single parents MOST pressing questions by getting this free tele-seminar.
Sign up for “Ask the Expert “ Interview

I twitter!
Copyright2009

Tip for Single Parents – Two minutes for Two Year Olds

primaryparentingonpurpose — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 12:34:19 +0000

Being two isn’t easy. You can’t articulate as well as you’d like. You get told “No” a lot. And it seems as if no matter what you are doing, you get interrupted and have to do something else.

Charlie was telling me the other day that time outs don’t work for his two year old. They seemed to make things worse and cause a temper tantrum.

I told him that the rule of thumb is 1 minute of time out for each age of the child. So his time outs have been too long.

Two minutes may not seem like a long time to us and that we are saying come out of time out as soon as we say go to time out, however, to the two year old, the two minutes is plenty of time.

Another option that may work better for a two year old is distraction. Keep things on hand that the child is allowed to play with so that when she starts to do something you don’t want her to, you can direct her to the activity she is allowed to do.

What have you found that works for your two year old?

Laura C. Ries
Single Parent Purpose
Hear more answers to single parents MOST pressing questions by getting this free tele-seminar.
Sign up for “Ask the Expert “ Interview

I twitter!
Copyright2009

3 Things Love Isn’t

primaryparentingonpurpose — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 12:23:44 +0000

What’s real love and what’s toxic love?

I have heard some women say they stay in a toxic relationship, because she loves him.

There are parents who continue to support their grown children. It’s because they love their kids.

There are friends who will tell you the most hurtful things and they will tell you it is because they care.

These are examples of something but it isn’t love.

If you stay in a toxic relationship, you are not loving yourself. You are also teaching your children that this behavior is ok. They will most likely grow up and look for a relationship, just like yours. Is that what you want for them? Don’t accept it for yourself.

When children become adults, it is time for them to make their way. Part of parenting is to raise your children so they can support themselves and the families they create. When a parent continues to support their children, they postpone the learning of self-sufficiency.

One day the parent will die and won’t be here anymore. Then what will the child do then? First of all grieve. The loss of a parent is hard. Second, flounder as through the grief, learn to be self-sufficient. Third maybe get into a dependent relationship that is toxic. Is that really what you want for them?

And why are you calling people who are hurtful, friends ? It is one thing to have people give you constructive criticism, it is another thing entirely to let someone be hurtful, on an ongoing basis.You deserve to have better people around you.

Take a look at what behaviors and habits you are labeling ‘love’. Is it really? Decide on what behavior you will accept and what you won’t. Decide on what behavior you will do and will not do any longer.
Laura C. Ries
Primary Parenting On Purpose
Sign up for “Ask the Expert “ Interview

I twitter!
Copyright2009

Do Your Standards Slide?

primaryparentingonpurpose — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 13:04:24 +0000

Are your values eroding in your relationships? Here’s an example of sliding standards:

Your significant other says:

“Accept that I smoke.”

If you do, then, “accept that I drink and drive.”

If you do that, “accept that I look at porn.”

If you do that, “accept that I take drugs, recreationally.”

If you do that, “accept that I have sex outside our relationship.

“Hey why are you leaving me? I didn’t hit you.”

Know that to accept you and the choices you make, I may choose to limit my time and closeness with you as your standards are so different than mine.

Sit down and evaluate what your standards are. Look for areas you kept them and times you did not. Watch for times when you compromised on a little thing. Were you asked to compromise on another thing and then another. Were you expected to give up all your opposing standards?

Did you create new standards or did you violate the standards important to you? What did you do? How did you feel? How do you feel now?

Laura C. Ries
Primary Parenting On Purpose
Sign up for “Ask the Expert “ Interview

I twitter!
Copyright2009

Single Mom Madonna and Malawi

primaryparentingonpurpose — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 14:00:26 +0000

It would be interesting to see if the reason Madonna was rejected in this adoption really was because she hadn’t set up residency in the country for Malawi for 18 months or if the underlying reason is she is now a single mom.

To test this, she would need to be willing to set up residency. And why not? I think it is wonderful that she is willing and able to provide advantages this child would not otherwise have, but at what cost? Will the child be cut off from family, culture and country?

Is Madonna going to raise this child so that this child knows where she came from? Will this child be instilled with a sense of purpose? To be a leader to her people?

Does Madonna want to adopt THIS child? Or is she just interested in adopting? What do you think?

Laura C. Ries
SingleParentPurpose.com
Sign up for the Good, Bad and Ugly of Single Parenting E-zine

I twitter!
Copyright2009

Success is How You Define It

primaryparentingonpurpose — Sun, 05 Apr 2009 13:35:28 +0000

I recently read an interview of Dustin Hoffman regarding his latest movie “Last Chance Harvey”. In the interview he stated that he has always wanted to be a jazz pianist but isn’t good enough. He also stated that he plays some jazz piano in the movie.

Curious I went and saw the movie. I think that if you play jazz on the piano, you are a jazz pianist. I wonder what Dustin’s definition of being a jazz pianist is?

Why are we so hard on ourselves? Did you notice that even the rich and famous are hard on themselves?

Are you defining success in a way that blinds you to the fact you are already successful?

Laura C. Ries
Primary Parenting On Purpose
Sign up for the Good, Bad and Ugly of Single Parenting E-zine

I twitter!
Copyright2009

Thoughts on AIG Bonus

primaryparentingonpurpose — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 16:32:13 +0000

I’m not opposed to people getting bonuses. I think if people have done something to merit the bonus should get it.

It isn’t clear to me what the AIG bonuses were for.

Did these executives:
- Generate new business?
- Develop innovated solutions?
- Cleaned up the financial crisis mess?

Or did they get the bonus because they were able to procure money from the government?

What do you think?
Laura C. Ries
Primary Parenting On Purpose
Sign up for the Good, Bad and Ugly of Single Parenting E-zine

I twitter!
Copyright2009

Single Mom Ponders as Obama tries to temper furor over AIG bonuses

primaryparentingonpurpose — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 12:31:14 +0000

I for one thought all the talk about the bailouts was to help everyone restructure.

There is a lot of talk about the bad debts, the loan’s that have defaulted and what to do about them.

But what about individuals like myself who have loan’s that we have not defaulted on but are trapped in the higher interest rates because of the stricter rules.

I feel like I’m being punished for being responsible.

I have some credit card debt and school loans and this causes my debt to income ratio to be too high to RE-FI my home mortgage.

What?

If I lower my interest rate from 8% to 5%, I’ll be saving about $200 a month and bring DOWN my debt to income ratio.

If the rules continue to keep those of us from being able to restructure as well, could there be another wave of foreclosures and bad debt?

Does Obama wonder why there is furor?

What has been your experience?
Laura C. Ries
Primary Parenting On Purpose
Sign up for the Good, Bad and Ugly of Single Parenting E-zine

I twitter!

3 Ways for Single Parents to Balance Life

primaryparentingonpurpose — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 11:23:05 +0000

This past week I was out of sorts. It was nothing in particular, just a general nagging feeling. Seems like the more I do, the more there is left on the to do list.

I was talking to a fellow mom at work. She too was feeling out of sorts. She could put her finger on what was causing her discontent. She has young children and when school is out, her daycare closes, too. She’s added finding child care for Spring break to her list.

I told her one thing that helps me is to journal every morning. I don’t get a pretty blank book, I use paper I’m going to recycle. I don’t plan on keeping what I write. This is to get the junk out. Most every morning the first thing I do, is get three sheets of paper and start writing. I can write about whatever I am thinking about, good, bad or indifferent. It all goes on the piece of paper. No one is going to see it as I recycle it.

If I write something I want to keep, I’ll circle it and keep writing. When I’m done with the three pages, I’ll transfer the items I’ve circled. Then the three pages go into the recycle box.

Another thing I have learned that helps when life seems out of sorts is to talk to someone who’s already been there done that. Talking to someone who has been through what you are going through now or getting ready to, helps one’s perspective.

The toilet training battles and the car key issues seem more manageable when you have someone who can tell you, “They are all potty trained by the time they are 18 and letting the kids drive gives you something to take away when needed.”

The third way to a balanced life is to have a hobby or activity of your own. I know you think your list of things to do is too long now. However, when you spend some time doing what you like, you get re-energized to tackle the other things that might not be as much fun.

Do you have a way to vent? Why not try writing it down? Have you someone you can talk to that’s been there? Do you know someone you can encourage? And what fun thing are you going to do today?

Laura C. Ries